Not that I’ve been dormant, but up until yesterday afternoon it’d been four months since unrolling my yoga mat. Instead, me masquerading with our running stroller and in leggings, panicking myself fit. With half our life in boxes and the other half in suitcases, traipsing and displaced for the better part of three months1, while every part of me needed the rigidity and release of a workout routine, no part of me had the luster. Emotionally exhausted, physically stormy, and the consistent recipient of Andrew’s nudges, a gentle cycle bound for implosion, it wasn’t until Andrew literally pushed me out the door, into the pouring rain with mat in hand, that I finally got my bum to a practice. But why? In times of extreme stress, why is it that self care, which for me, takes the form of a yoga practice, not only finds itself disenchanting, but a stressor in itself? A multifaceted affair, I think propelled by a shifted mindset2, a guilt in selfishness, and then a fear of having ‘lost IT,’ now having practiced, it feels almost silly that I let this lack perpetuate so long. In a new part of town, in a new little studio, with a new and soothing voice directing my intention, I was suddenly ‘home’. Stunned and startled to see my same toes, my same turmeric yellow mat, looking back at me, right where I’d left them. My limbs and joints reacquainted, falling back into motions once so familiar. Not a favorite class, but the jostle I needed, perhaps the best way to break a bad cycle is through full steam? Facing a tumultuous move, relationship shift, schedule overload, or an offset unique and unsettling to you, how do you hold tight to self, to self care?
1 Shortly after returning from our hike across Tour Du Mont Blanc and visit to Denmark, Andrew and I put our little condo on the market. Between travel and having our belongings packed for the ten week showing duration, we went ‘without home’ for nearly a quarter of the year.
2 I may be alone in this, but often, if I don’t have a clear routine set out and well planned, I lose confidence and motivation.